There is Nothing Better

Focus. Focus. Focus.


That one little word has been running through my head since, well, the beginning of this summer. Focus on God, and the rest will follow. Focus on your purpose, and you'll see awesome things accomplished. Focus on ministering to these people, open up doors and plant seeds. 


That all sounds great, and I honestly think it is...but I found myself extremely discouraged as this first week in Utah went by. I became really sick on Sunday, and I have yet to legitimately, flat-out express the gospel to any LDS member. I was really down last night and this morning especially, and my mind was just on everything that I haven't accomplished yet--things I assumed I was here for. 
And this is one of those times when the "But then God" statements completely turns everything around...


I was sitting in the Family History Center in Temple Square, the "Mormon Headquarters" if you will, while an 84 year-old lady I brought there with me searched for family records. I had been praying earnestly all morning for God to just use me and focus me...but I was feeling really discouraged and distraught. I took out my C.J. Mahaney book that I keep in my purse, "Living the Cross-Centered Life," and began reading. I read about how losing sight of the cross can mean losing sight of how much more Jesus knows about suffering and what He's given me through that suffering. Needless to say, God uses the most awkward of opportunities to bring things into crystal clear view. 


Carrying around a few key verses to meditate on throughout the day is something I strongly recommend, and for precisely these kinds of moments. I pulled out my sheet and read Proverbs 20:9- "Who can say, 'I have cleansed my heart, I am pure from my sin?'" As well Proverbs 20:24- "Mans steps are ordained by the Lord; how then can man understand his way?"


For those who know me, this shock won't be that catastrophic--I broke down and cried. Right there. In the middle of that LDS shrine, where God caught hold of my heart and revealed to me things I hadn't been paying attention to. First, that my "focus" was my problem. Did you catch it? I was focusing so much on what I was doing and what I was or wasn't accomplishing that I forgot to look at what Christ has accomplished. What He's all ready done. That's the reason I'm here. Not for me to do anything, but for God to reveal Himself. And that may not look the way I think it should...God isn't exactly confined to the size of my thoughts. (Which I am thankful for beyond words.) It's possible that, while I came here to speak to Mormons about the love of the true Christ, maybe God has more to say to me. And maybe God will show His love to these people through me, without my help. 
Secondly, that when I do become discouraged about anything, I need to remember to not just pray that He would help me through it and trust in Him, but that I would meditate on His faithfulness, His love, and what He's done for me. That is when the discouragement will fade. 
Thirdly, that I was, in essence, trying to earn His love, by doing what I thought He wanted me to do. I was forgetting the very message I was trying to portray. But luckily for me, God doesn't revoke His offering. There are no ways to earn His love--but, I don't have to. Christ loved us. I've come to realize how impossible that is, especially if anyone else is anything like me. 


God knows what He's doing. With every moment, every person, every conversation. And what's more--He loves us. And what could be better than to have an awesome Creator like that in control of what we do?

Allie